just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
