i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
