In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
