my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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