what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
