I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize