you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
