Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
