Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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