I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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