standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
