hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
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