You just made me feel so damn special
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize