I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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