My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
