i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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