i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
