but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
