I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize
