You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
