fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
