so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
i think i just lost a toe
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Randomize
