I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
