then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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