Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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