She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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