i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
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