I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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