U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Randomize
