So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
