Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
