Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
