she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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