I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
