My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
