if you like me you must not know who I am
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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