u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
