Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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