and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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