Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
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