U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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