Can i not drive my cunt home
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
