The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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