Taylor Swift is so right about you.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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