We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
