Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
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