What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
You were trust falling into bushes
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
