The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
