Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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