I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Welp...herpes.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
