remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
