I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
