the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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