Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize