Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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