hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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