i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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