I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
