So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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