he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
