weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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