I think i peed on brittanys purse
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
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