Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
