My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
