if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
